Worth: This Story Transformed My Life

Worth-Tiffany ParkerI’ve been silent a long time. I’ve been distant. I’ve retreated. And as a result I have felt suffocated. Writing is my way of connecting. I learn about myself when I write, I learn about who Jesus is as I write, I am reminded of what is true and what are lies when I write. I am reminded of my worth when I write. I sat down awhile back to try to write. My soul longed to come full circle within the words of the page, but I couldn’t write a word. All that came was soft sobs and a broken heart. I convinced myself in that quick moment that because I couldn’t bring myself to write, to inspire, to do what I love, or to encourage anybody else, that I was useless. That somehow everything I have gone through has actually destroyed me to a point where I can’t create anymore, because I have nothing left to give. I will never be a normal person so what’s the point of even trying? 

I have convinced myself that unless I am full of vitality and passion and unending energy, I can’t take steps, that I can only stay where I am. Praise Jesus that he has shown me what a lie that is. 

Today I woke up in desperate need of Jesus. I craved his presence and wanted to get my eyes off of me and on to His glory and his magnitude. Because when God is magnified and we become small that is where
breakthrough and power lie. As I spent my time worshipping and in prayer this morning, The Lord took a scripture I have read many times in my life and totally transformed it for me. I saw myself in the story. And I wonder if you might see yourself in this story too. 

And he sat down opposite the treasury and watched the people putting money into the offering box. Many rich people put in large sums. And a poor widow came and put in two small copper coins, which makes a penny. And he called his disciples to him and said to them. Truly, I say to you, this poor widow has put in more than all those who are contributing to the offering box. For they all contributed out of their abundance, but she out of her poverty has put in everything she had, all she had to live on.” Mark 12: 41-44 

I am not a literal widow, but I see myself in this story and in this widow. This widow has inspired me. She has shown me that even in poverty, weakness, disease, inability, instability, grief, anxiety and all the enslaving fears and battles we humans fight, God just wants us. 

Your worth and value are hidden in Jesus; not accomplishments. 

He just wants us. He wants our love and the little or much we have to give. He can use it all. He uses the
weak. God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. There is no amount of clean up, or education, or offering, or works of this world that can make Jesus love you or me anymore. None of the outside pursuits of life make us anymore worthy then we are in this very moment. He chose to take our place and pay the penalty for the sin we all live in, for the sin we can’t begin to pay for. He felt every pain, physical, emotional, and otherwise. He felt bondage and grief and the sorrow of the entire world on his body. When he was nailed to the cross, He had you on his mind. He had love overflowing from his heart. He stepped in to be your advocate, to release you from shame, from bondage, from addiction, from sin. 

Over the years I have for sure been my worst bully.  I have beat myself up, and punished myself for anything and everything. I never feel good enough, I never think I did enough, I always feel I come in short. This has only magnified in recent years of living with debilitating disease every single day. Because I very literally cannot do what I want to do, what I need to do some days and what I see others doing. My standard and my lifestyle are very very different than the average person. When I
compare myself to healthy people, I do come in short, every time. This idea has been really something I’ve struggled with this week. A few days ago I watched a sermon where the pastor shared an analogy that just completely opened my eyes and allowed me a glimpse of the way God sees me. The guy went on to share a story of when your first child starts to walk. When they first wobble and bounce around and then take that first step. They have one of two choices, they either put out their foot to move forward or they fall flat on their face. But when they put that first step in front of the other and go just 3 or 4 steps, even the most calloused human can find joy and celebration in watching their child learn to walk for the first time. We as
humans and parents, see them fall over and over again but we cheer and are genuinely thrilled at every single victory, no matter how small. Even if it’s one step. 

Beloved, this is the way God sees us. He is celebrating with even the smallest victories. He is cherishing even the smallest offerings. He is moving mountains with the smallest faith of a mustard seed. 

So no matter what you have to bring. No matter the small steps you might have to take. God loves you with a deep unrelenting love and He is celebrating with you. 

My aim and my hope is that we will release ourselves from trying to do what Jesus did on the cross. Trying to make ourselves better and somehow work our way to worth. I, in my sickness and suffering can love Jesus and people. You, in whatever your circumstances are can do the same in your own way. 

Just never underestimate what you have to bring and the way Jesus sees you. You have never been and never will be more adored or cherished.



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Mac Ruiz

I’m a divorced, empty Nestor, Christian, having lost all family members at young ages. Been feeling lost, alone and lacking direction due to multiple chronic illness and physical pain. I found your site by chance or perhaps God’s influence. Your story is the first that I can relate to, it touched me deep in my soul. To feel like someone “gets it”!! I have loving friends and sisters in Christ but they cannot relate to my situation. I found inspiration in your story and pray God will show me what my purpose in life is now that my son is grown. My illnesses have become all consuming and I’m fighting not to completely lose sight of myself and God in the process. Thank you for sharing your personal story. It matters!! 🙏🏼❤️

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Mac- Thank you SO much for reaching out and sharing pieces of your story with me. I am truly moved and thankful that you found my site. I am so sorry to hear about all that you have gone through over the years, what a story! I am so glad we can ‘get’ each other. Chronic Illness and physical pain have such a way of isolating us and if we allow it, it definitely threatens to destroy our lives. I am very serious about praying for people within this community and I mean it when I say I will be bringing your needs to the throne room of Jesus in prayer. I will be praying for clarity for your purpose, for supernatural restoration and healing, and for God to bring a breakthrough in all the areas that you struggle with. He sees the ins and outs of your life and your personal struggle, so I will be asking Him to bring his touch and his love into those deep places of your heart and soul. Always know, you are not alone. Even as I write this, I am in pain and exhausted laying on my couch just doing the little that I can. So I get you!! If you ever need to talk I am just an email away. Please feel free to reach out. I am here to support in any way I can. 🙂

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