An Honest Look At Who I Am

Tiffany Parker- The Real MeI have been taking an extended break from work and projects to soul search for the past month or so and the revelations I came to, have completely changed my world and showed me who I am. I have spent everyday reading, praying, resting, studying my Bible, seeking The Lord and figuring out where I am supposed to go from here. It’s been a journey of severe growth and clarity. 

I wanted to come back with a declaration of who I really am, to show you what I learned during that break and where I am headed now.

I am ready to unveil and be authentically who God created me to be like never before. 

Welcome into who I am, here it goes… 

Last month everything I thought I knew came crashing down on me. I laid on the floor of my walk in closet next to my file cabinet and Michael Khors snakeskin heels and prayed like never before. I began to question what I am even doing, who am I and I hit a notable breaking point. 

Prior to this meltdown in the closet, I began going down paths that aren’t even me. Trying to monetize skills that I have in an effort to find who I am. I was looking for a path that brings impact and positive influence in people’s lives but also brings freedom and stability. 

To be honest, I had completely lost myself.

I officially hit a wall. Unable to move forward and feeling crippled I made the bold decision to take a month off of all work. To find myself, to refresh my passions and to remember why I started this journey of music and entrepreneurship to begin with. 

You see, my life hasn’t been a bunch of rainbows and care bears in recent times. I have failed more times than I can count. I have cried more days than a grown woman should cry. And I have had more dark moments than I ever thought possible. 

I was seeking a way to do something that ‘made sense’. I was trying to find a way to have freedom, impact but still have a rational income, a step by step process and to bring more light into my unknown dark hole, so I could be more comfortable and not have to step outside of my comfort zone every day. I was keeping myself safe. 

In an effort to find stability I began waking up depressed and full of anxiety because everyday I was containing myself, holding back who I really was, the little girl inside of me with my pure big hearted dreams was drowning. I tried to convince myself I wanted to be something other than what I was, that my true dreams of changing lives through music didn’t matter to me, but they did. 

It took a complete break down and severe anxiety that I couldn’t shake to realize I was plowing someone else’s field, I was being someone I wasn’t. Partly because I wanted to desire something else, I wanted to desire an easier path in life, one that made more ‘sense’ to the general public. I wanted to have more realistic dreams, more stability in my life, so I tried to suppress myself, to suppress what I felt God called me to do, to pull me back from what I have spent my life pursuing and being passionate about. I wondered why I woke up with a pit in my stomach and dread in my heart, but it was because I was acting in someone else’s script. I was denying who God created me to be and where He wanted me. I felt like a hole was missing. I kept trying to fill it with more projects, different pursuits, new business ideas and the hole just kept gaping because I was getting more and more away from who I was. 


 

Our lives are put through the Facebook filter and behind those confident smiles and glamorous photos there is a real life. A human being. A struggle. A brokenness. And I was no exception. 

I know it’s been a bit confusing following me over the past couple years. On my journey to find myself and find where I was called to be, I tried a lot of different things. I began a certification to be a health coach, because of my desire to see sickness and disease obliterated. But even with the right heart and expertise, it wasn’t me and it wasn’t what God had for me. I tried consulting for creative brands and helping women create online brands and businesses and after a while that began to feel like a prison. I was able to do it and have expertise in it so why didn’t it work? Because it wasn’t for me and God had a different plan. 

Just because I know about something or am good at something, that doesn’t mean I should spend my life pursuing and building that endeavor. 


 

My heart, passion and calling has always been in music.

That is what The Lord has put on my heart since before I could remember. I tried to make other things seem more important than it, and push it away, but every time I tried that, the desire, vision and need became stronger and stronger.  

More importantly than that, is the real passion in my heart and what matters most to me over any career, vocation, hobby, or circumstantial situation. The most important piece of who I am and where I find my identity is in my relationship with Jesus. 

That’s what matters more than anything else on this planet.

Jesus is where I find my hope, my faith, my strength to push on through struggles, through living with disease, and through my brokenness. (Tweet that)


 

My true desire and passion is to encourage you, to share hope and love and to walk in my God-given purpose. 

To end all confusion, I’m not a health coach. I’m not a producer. I’m not a life coach or a brand specialist. I am a motivator, an artist, an encourager, a writer, a dreamer, a mentor, a visionary, an overcomer and most importantly a child of God. 

Do I know how all of my passions are going to work together? No. 

Do I know exactly what I will be doing from this moment out? No.  

But I would rather have a life of unknowns in front of me than knowing what every day held for the rest of my life and being someone I am not. Where there are constant limitations and chains on my life. 

That is where freedom lies. Purpose and fulfillment come at the crossroads of passion and boldness to be who you were designed to be. (Click to tweet that out)

I would rather be broke and live in the unknown than have a stable consistent income and lose a piece of myself every day. 


 

From this point on I vow to step into who I really am. To be who God created me to be. To speak authentically. To share my soul and my heart. To use music to touch lives. To share my testimony of what the Lord is doing in my life. To encourage. And to never hold back.  

I am passionate about stepping outside of our boxes about doing the impossible and living a life of purpose. Anything less than that, will eat away at you. 

I’m not here to be idle. I’m not here to live a wasteful, useless life. I am here to live a purposeful life and to walk where God leads me to walk. 

Welcome to who I am. 

 

MUCH LOVE,

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8 Comments

Suzanne

Tiffany, I feel a kinship to you, partly because you are the age of my daughters, but mostly because you and my teen son are so similar. I found myself skipping ahead to make sure you came to the conclusion that your path lies in music. Like my boy, I sense that’s the place you’ll find the most fulfillment. Life can be a confusing journey. I am happy you are finding your way. Don’t worry about stumbles, they happen in every great life. Just keep getting up. Remember, it’s all about the journey, not the destination.

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TiffanyParker

Thank you so much for writing this to me, Suzanne. It has been such a journey of finding where I belong and you are right, music is where I fit and find the most fulfillment. Life is confusing, but it always seems to work out once you get on the other side of an obstacle. I hope you’re son is doing well, we do sound very similar and I know this can be a tough journey sometimes. I hope you have a blessed weekend!

Terri

VERY powerful and anointed message! Thank you Tiffany. God said, “Idleness is the enemy’s playground in the life of any Christian.” But even if we take it to the extreme opposite and bounce from one project or plan to another (which I sometimes tend to do), satan is having his way with us and causing us to be poor stewards of our gifts and calling; wasting our valuable God given time and talents! It’s time to seek Him for what glorifies the Father…..just as Jesus did!!

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TiffanyParker

Thank you, Terri, it is such a blessing to hear that! That scripture is exactly one I have been meditating on these last few weeks it is incredibly powerful and often times we don’t think of bouncing around as a form of idleness but it absolutely is and I’m so thankful God showed me that. Being focused on what The Lord values and places on our hearts without wavering from place to place is where breakthrough happens and where our faith and character is refined. Thanks again for sharing this, I am very grateful 🙂

Shirley Joy-Smith LMT and LA

I love this! What a powerful testimony! It spoke to me on many levels.
I take classes such as INL with Dr. Axe not with intention of pursuing the path of a health coach
wich is great for those lead to do so but for me it was the education and to share those resources . I love my profession as a massage therapist and feel it is a ministry like your music is for you…..as are your stories of healing and faith (maybe as a background to why you want to minister to others from what you have experienced).
Just yesterday I saw the movie the War room….which is a powerful movie , not about war as we think of it but the power of
Going into the solitude to pray to Jesus in all areas of our life …what a great movie….bring tissues:)
I too have had many crossroads in my life not the same of course but overall through the ups and downs I know it was Jesus, not me , that kept me afloat. Our testimonies need to be shared and will be changing daily with new spirit lead
Epiphanies . That is one way we can serve God , as individuals with real stories of struggle and overcoming: the refining and gratitude I spoke to you of not that long ago and being grateful for the refining….which is often daily….but it brings us to a deeper trust in God taking the reigns of our live and His direction and purpose for us. Meanwhile until we submit to Him, He does give us our free will……. and we take 40 yrs. to go around the mountains in front of us….there will be mountains but He ,through allowing us the faith even of a mustard seed ,can soooooo move those mountains in no time.
I look at my schedule two weeks out and could be fretful at how empty it looks but have learned to be a good steward of what I have and every week fills up:). Now,often when I get a cancellation ,I serve him some other way. My being a workaholic:) was burningme out now I usually have so much more calm energy to be where The Holy Spirit nudges me. Am I always there……no….
We truly are a work in progress until the day we go home….
So I will stop soon as I don’t want to ramble. I do want to share one more thing and maybe you aren’t interested but
I have a domain name yet felt it would be someday passed along to someone who could better use it…so if you are interested….the acronym speaks to me of what you have been through and are about to do and that is :
SOARING…..this insight of yours is going to free you to fly, to soar:). I haven’t done a thing with it except set up the Domain name on Go Daddy . At that time it stood for: Sharing Our Abundant Resources in Networking groups in health….if you want
To use this to SOARING it is yours..if not that is O.K. too and I still would love to hear your stories as they unfold….blessings to you dear lady!

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TiffanyParker

Shirley, thank you so much for this encouragement and sharing your journey with me. It continues to amaze me how God uses our gifts, our stories, our occupations and our passions to change lives and bring glory to Him. I’m also glad you told me about that movie War Room, I had not heard of it until today and I can’t wait to go see it. I will be sure to bring tissues! What you said about us being a work in progress until we go home is incredibly true. But all our hardship will be rewarded and alleviated once we finally see our eternal home with Jesus!

Stayc96

Beautiful reflection and thank you for sharing! I’ve scrolled through my mail several times today and as life has us in the hamster cage, I was to busy to stop and read your article. But you see how God works….He is an awesome God, because he led me back to your email. .. to stop and open up your mail. Then he made me stop, look and listen. I’m in tears writing to you because it was so touching to know I’m not alone. Every word was like a reflection of my soul….your words were my questions I ask God always. …your uncertainty was clarification that I’m not alone and then I smiled because I know God has it all mapped out and it’s our job to be patient. …to have faith…..to do his work until he opens that door that places us at the right place at the right time.
I’ve followed your work Ms.Tiffany because I too believe that dreams come true and his blessings are wrapped around us like a warm snuggie:)
Continue your path sweetie you are special. …All we have to do is believe!
Much luv doll!
Stayc96♡♡♡♡♡

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TiffanyParker

Stacy, that is AMAZING and I cannot explain to you how this message has touched my heart. I have felt alone for so long in many ways and by being obedient to The Lord in sharing my story and my struggles I have found such breakthrough and realized I am not alone. There are people all over the world feeling this way, and allowing myself to be honest and open about the realities of life, lifted a massive weight off of me. You are never alone. God is always with you, always guiding you, and I love that He was faithful to lead you where you needed to go and read what you needed to hear when you scrolled through that email so fast. Sometimes all it takes is a simple note, a blog, a song or even a conversation at the grocery store to be a confirmation from above and to meet you where your need is. You are absolutely right, our job is to be patient, to have faith and to trust that God has got it in His loving hands. I also have a huge smile on my face reading your line about his blessings being wrapped around us like a warm snuggie 🙂 So much love to you and NEVER forget you are not alone. Reach out anytime!

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